|Before or after?|
The fair-haired tend not to be very furry, but as teen I realised that even blonde hair on legs was thought unacceptable - someone stroked my leg (uninvited I should stress) and said that my leg felt like his guinea pig (hope he meant one of those smooth ones, not the tufty type). Now I love guinea pigs, but I don't think it was a compliment. So I borrowed my dad's razor (to both his horror and disgust), shaved my legs and managed to gash the back of my thigh open (scar still there) - the bathroom looked like something from Psycho. But the said legs did feel rather nice - once the scabs had gone.
Having got the hang of the razor (despite dad's protests - and when have I ever taken notice of them?) I decide that my eyebrows are grotesque (blonde version of Frieda Kahlo crossed with Breshnev) and need some attention. There are no tweezers in the house (we didn't have a phone - we're hardly likely to have tweezers), so I take the heavy razor and apply to my left brow - that goes quite well. I then apply steel (or whatever razor blades are made from) to the right brow, the razor slips and removes half my eyebrow - unfortunately not the outside bit which could easily be hidden.
In despair I inspect my denuded brow - it looks a bit like a baby mouse, pink, naked and vulnerable. There is no such thing as an eyebrow pencil in our house (Mum being dark and not having need of such things) so I fetch a felt pen and try that - I look a bit like Bette Davis, scrub it off (funny how brown felt pens leave a blue after-stain - chromatography I vagely remember explains this). So the glowing naked brow is now bright pink with a blue aura.
Disguising it is going to be difficult - I don't have a fringe, just a floppy sheet of hair that will not cover the nude brow. The hair stays in place if I hold it in my mouth - sadly not practical in the long run. So I adopt a very low parting - female version of the comb-over. I think it is hidden quite well, but immediately I go downstairs Mum asks where my eyebrow is, Dad inspects me, looks a bit cross and says, 'In my razor - I expect'.
I would like to say the eyebrow grew back, but sadly it is still patchy. Perhaps this should serve as a lesson for anyone shaving their punani - be warned it may not grow back (possibly safer to stick to waxing) - then when fashion changes you'll face a lifetime of wearing merkins.